I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
