At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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