We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
