need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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