i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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