Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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