We're facebook friends in real life
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
