So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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