i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
