I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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