So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
