Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
