I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
