A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
