i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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