i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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