I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
