He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
