The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
