You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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