It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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