I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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