Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
