I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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