ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
