So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
