craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
