it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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