If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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