Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
