Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
