Are we in a gay sports bar?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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