Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
