did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
