I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
