I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
