that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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