Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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