i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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