He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
