dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
