I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize