He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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