Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
