If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
