I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
