I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
