Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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