remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
