We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
