we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
