He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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