Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
