So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
