I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
