ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
