Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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